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Meen Goes To Mars
Meen goes to Mars is a book by I. M. Meen, starring himself as Captain Meen, and Lieutenant Wanda Mann. Known Parts Part 1 The rocket ship landed softly on the red sands of Mars. "Another perfect landing, Captain Meen," said lovely Lieutenant Wanda Mann. "All in a day's work, Wanda," replied the brilliant and handsome rocket pilot. Part 2 “Captain Meen!” yelled Lieutenant Wanda Mann over her helmet intercom. “I found something!” “Easy, Wanda,” the good-looking rocket pilot calmly replied. “I’ll be right there.” Flipping the switch on his Personal Uplifter Pack, Meen soared into the thin Martian air, gliding over the rocky ridges and dunes of red sand that covered the surface of the planet. He spotted Lt. Mann standing on a dune nearby and floated over to her. She watched as the expert space jockey settled softly on the sand beside her. “Alright, Wanda, what have you found?” he asked. “Take a look down here, Captain Meen,” she replied, pointing to a spot at the base of the enormous dune on which they stood. Part 3 They found the ancient rocket ship they were searching for. It lay at the bottom of a deep crater, covered with centuries of red Martian dust. “Well, Wanda, let’s go see what’s inside,” said the handsome rocket pilot I.M. Meen, flexing his tremendous muscles. “Whatever you say, sir,” Wanda replied. She followed the daring rocket pilot down into the crater, happy to be working with such a brave and neatly dressed fellow. Part 4 Captain Meen pulled out his blaster and shot the ancient spaceship’s rusty hatch off its hinges. Where the hatch had been, there was now a dark hole. “Let’s take a look inside, Wanda,” said Meen, stepping through the hole into the ship. “Right behind you, Captain Meen,” said Lieutenant Wanda Mann, who was thinking what a joy it was to be working with such a brace and handsome space pilot. Part 5 The hallway beyond the hatch was dark, so Lieutenant Wanda Mann took out her flashlight and turned it on. “Look, Captain Meen!” she cried as her light struck an object lying on the dusty floor ten feet away. It was the skeleton of a huge alien creature, wearing some type of spacesuit. “It’s so big!” exclaimed Wanda. “I’d say it stood twenty feet tall when it was alive, give or take a quarter of an inch,” replied Meen. “I wonder what killed it?” asked Wanda. “It was killed in the crash, Wanda,” replied Meen. “How can you tell, Captain?” asked Wanda. “There’s a head-sized dent in the ceiling,” Meen replied, pointing to the spot. “It looks like the creature whacked its head when the ship slammed into the ground.” Part 6 Captain Meen wiped the thick dust from the ancient spaceship’s control panel. “It looks like the power core is still working,” he said, pointing to the blinking lights on the panel. “What’s this switch for, Captain Meen?” asked Lieutenant Wanda Mann, flipping a black switch. “Don’t touch it, Wanda!” yelled Meen, a second too late. The ship’s engines suddenly roared to life, and the ship leaped upward into the atmosphere flinging Meen and Lt. Mann to the floor. “You’ve turned on the Megawarp Generator,” said Captain Meen, struggling to regain his feet. “We’re already light years away from Mars and accelerating.” “Whoops,” said Wanda. Part 7 By the time Captain Meen managed to turn off the Megawarp Generator, the spaceship had entered a strange galaxy millions of light years from home. “I’m really sorry, Captain Meen,” said Lieutenant Wanda Mann. “I never thought that flipping one switch would make this happen.” “No problem, Wanda,” said the forgiving rocket pilot. “I’ve always wondered what was out in the corner of the universe.” “Will it be difficult to find our way back?” said Wanda. “No harder than finding a lost contact lens in the Sahara Desert during a sandstorm,” replied Meen, examining the alien control panel. “That’s a relief,” said Wanda. Part 8 The stars on the ancient spaceship’s view screen were unfamiliar to Captain Meen and Lieutenant Wand Mann, his assistant. “Since we’re here anyway, Wanda,” said brave Captain Meen, “Why don’t we take a look around the galaxy.” “I think I’ve figured out the controls, Captain,” replied Wanda, who was carefully studying a control panel. “Take us to that greenish planet over there on the left, Wanda,” said Meen, pointing to the view screen. “Yes, sir,” Lt. Mann replied, pushing a few buttons. The ship zoomed through space toward the green world. Part 9 Captain Meen took over the controls from Lieutenant Wand Mann. Using his instincts as his guide, he maneuvered the ship to a soft landing on the surface of the strange planet. “Alright, Wanda, let’s see what the locals are like,” he said, flashing a dazzling smile. Lt. Mann smiled back, thinking how lucky she was to be teamed up with such a wonderful man. Meen and Wanda made their way through the corridors of the ancient ship to the open hatch and exited. The surface of the planet was made up of a strange, spongy rock as green as the grass of Earth. The pair bounced slightly with each step, as though their boots had springs in them. About a thousand meters away, an odd structure loomed on the horizon. It was several hundred feet in heights, dotted with triangular panes of black glass like dark windows. It appeared to be deserted. “Let’s head over there, Wanda,” said Meen, pointing at the strange building. Part 10 Captain Meen and Lt. Mann entered the strange alien building and looked around. Far above them, the ceiling of the huge room was hidden from view by a sparkly pink cloud. The walls and floor of the room were made of a shiny black material that looked like polished glass. “There’s no one here,” said Wanda. Suddenly, the pink cloud spoke. “Who dares to enter the sacred Thought Chamber of Grozbik the Wise?” With each word, the walls of the huge room shook. “I am Captain I.M. Meen from the planet Earth, and I come in peace,” replied Meen calmly. “You have disturbed Grozbik’s thoughts, and you must be punished!” roared the cloud. Tiny bolts of lightning began flickering in the cloud. “Listen, Grozbik, we don’t have time for this,” said Meen. “We’ve got to get back to Earth, and we need your help. How about it?” The lightning stopped flickering. “Hmm,” said Grozbik. “I’ll help you in one condition.” “And what’s the condition?” asked Meen. “You must give me the answer to the question I was thinking about when you interrupted me,” replied the cloud. “If you’re correct, I’ll help you. But if you’re wrong, you remain with me for eternity.” “We’d better get it right, Captain,” said Wanda. “I’ve got a date on Saturday night.” Part 11 “Okay, Grizbuk, what’s the riddle?” asked clever space pilot I.M. Meen. “How many heads does a Jixan Gorblebee have?” said the pink cloud. “What’s a Jixan Gorblebee, Captain?” asked Wanda. “I’m not sure, Wanda, but I have a plan,” replied the brave pilot. He spoke to the cloud. “I thought you were going to ask us a tough one, Grizbuk,” he said. “Everyone knows that a Jixan Gorblebee has twice as many heads as a Fluvian Sandmutt.” The cloud looked confused. Wanda looked even more confused. “You do know what a Fluvian Sandmutt is, don’t you?” asked Meen. “Well, I…of course I do!” replied the cloud. “You answered the riddle, and I will return you to your planet. Do the universe a favor, Earthlings, and stay there!” With a bright flash of pink energy, the pair of space adventurers vanished. In the blink of an eye, they were back on Earth. “You did it, Captain Meen!” said Wanda happily. “You’re the bravest, smartest, best-looking space pilot ever!” “You’re right, Wanda, and I also dance a mean polka,” said Captain Meen as they walked toward the orange glow of the setting sun. “Let’s get back to base and find another ship. There’s a whole universe waiting for us out there.”